I've spent much time since my last post as an observer of myself, watching for anything I have an immediate resistance to. I have found that if I am honest, resistance
always points to some kind of inner fear that I am avoiding.
Always. Then I explore the meaning of that fear - ask myself what I would do if I
wasn't afraid - and then go DO IT without thinking.
For me, this has meant doing the things I've been putting off - and also facing where I've hurt people by putting them off. And where I've hurt myself by putting them off. And apologizing and being candid with people, and with myself. And forgiving myself.
It's interesting how these things work.
An example: where previously I would avoid an "important" phone call at work in order to prepare a strategy, think about what I want to happen, what I don't want to happen... about consequences... Or I would avoid a call because
I was too busy doing something else, and I'd get to it later. Priorities, ya know
.....
Now I just pick it up, am blatantly honest, and go with it. What is the worst that can happen? Then when good things OR bad things happen - it's
all somehow good.
Another example: I was at the pool last weekend watching kids go off the diving board, and sat there deeply missing that freedom that came with flying through the air. I realized I was afraid of reinjuring the cartilage in my foot, even though I am walking and moving fine and have been for a while. Suddenly stopped thinking about it and sat up abruptly and walked over to the board and took a little hop and flew through the air and loved it. Then did it again with a 1 1/2 flip into a dive like I used to 20 years ago. After a couple more dives I started thinking about my foot and didn't commit to a jump. Tweaked my old injury and am still recovering from a limp 6 days later.
It was in exact act of non-commitment that I landed wrong and lost my balance, and I got hurt.
So for me, it is about being a passive observer of where I get scared (and this is hard - because ego likes to pretend it's not afraid - and then even when it acknowledges fear - it will justify the reasons
why it's OK to avoid it til kingdom come). When I notice tension - I think about why I am afraid. Then I face it, do it, doing it releases the tension, and I expand through the experience and feel a million times better afterward. Once I make the decision to do it, there can be no hesitation. Hesitation brings doubt...
Current Symptoms:
The heart palpitations have completely vanished. !
The tension in my solar plexus is very greatly reduced. I can take a deep breath with my diaphragm again.
The tightness in my throat is reduced by 50%.
Many of the stressful scenarios in my life are now resolving in ways I never expected. And many new ones are forming - and I'm addressing them head on - it's like I'm
excited about tension now because I know it's a signpost for where I can grow!
The 3 keys I've found are 1) acknowledge my fear 2) ask myself the worst that can happen 3) Ask myself, "What would you do right now if you weren't afraid?
This frees me up for whatever the appropriate course of action is to release that particular fear. It doesn't have to mean jumping off buildings - and the diving board example was a bit extreme too - it's LITTLE THINGS.... like taking out the frickin' trash when you feel resistance to it.
In the case of RSD, the worst that can happen is that we wither away in hellish pain in front of our loved ones. Or that they leave us. And we are suffering alone. I have found that to truly acknowledge and face and accept that fear is the only way rise above it. Not by ignoring it - by going deep into it.
"What would you do right now if you weren't afraid?"
Not saying I'm right or wrong - just one person's opinion and experiences in the hope it helps someone else. Thanks for the ramble guys:hugs: