please, please, please re-read my PM to you. i am so glad you've found us. but i want you to take very seriously everything i said to you in that message. i stand by that and i will say more here publicly on this forum, as i am VERY concerned about you now. i am also angry - not at you, bev, not at you, but angry nevertheless - just so you know.

i don't wonder you're confused. but i need you to hear me now. the decision to have TOS surgery is never one you want to make when your pain levels are this high. no way. it's supposed to be ELECTIVE surgery and carries major, major risks which you need to educate yourself about so that you can make an informed decision (including but not limited to, the best surgeon to do the operation on you). these jokers are feeding you a line of pure bull, in my eyes.

you need to get yourself to a top PM doc ASAP (that is, a pain management specialist). what part of the country are you in? this is a very important question and i do not ask it lightly. please answer, so that we can get you some proper care. are you near a major teaching hospital of some kind? perhaps there is a big pain clinic attached and that might be a place to start or a good jumping off point. if you've ever been in physical therapy and have a trusted therapist that person may be golden - they usually know who the good PM docs are.

surgeons are not only knife-happy but they stick together. bigtime. if these guys are so damned good, i'd like to know how come they're only just now figuring out that you have a set of cervical ribs big enough to cause neurovascular compression serious enough to make you this symptomatic. wasn't a simple cervical X-ray taken, for god's sake, before the fusion? TOS can be a controversial dx, granted, but if your all-of-a-sudden, brand-spanking-new medical dx is "true neurogenic TOS,"...well, my new friend, then you do NOT have the disputed form of TOS and ALL of these so-called "great" surgeons are doing nothing but dancing as fast as they can.

WHAT makes anyone think your poor body is healed enough from any of the major surgeries it's been subjected to for the MISDIAGNOSED problems over the past two and a half years to undertake something as major and as risky as a cervical and possibly a first rib resection and a partial scalenectomy, pray tell? what is the name of this "great" cardiovascular dickhead surgeon? spill it, beverly, c'mon now! (we're going to get you to the best, most experienced, most wonderful top TOS doc possible, so don't even worry for a moment, i am just venting here... you don't know me very well yet - i'm just mad for you, not at you my dear!)

ask yourself this question: why was this not seen before a 3-level cervical fusion was done, beverley? (and out of curiosity, when was that surgery performed, in the 2.5 year nightmare you are describing?) now, i don't want you to feel bad, there are lots and lots of us who have had unnecessary carpal tunnel and cubital tunnel releases as well as cervical fusions before FINALLY getting dx'd with the actual culprit, dread TOS. unfortunately, those prior surgeries do nothing to increase the odds of success of tx for the TOS, whether that be a surgical or less invasive intervention by the time the accurate dx is ultimately made and competent tx able to be undertaken with knowledgeable practitioners on board. let's be honest, they mess with success.

you've just had an ulnar nerve decompression with transposition 3 weeks ago (!), and i hear you saying the neurosurgeon who did you that great disservice thinks a rib resection sounds like a wonderful idea. bet he plays golf with your CV surgeon. this is madness, i say, pure madness. the ortho guy is in on it, too, believe you me...they're all running scared and gonna back each other up hoping you don't wake up at the switch. this just gets my back up, something fierce! i hope i'm wrong, but i don't think so.

it's counterintuitive for you to commit to more surgery right now. it's way too soon and you haven't healed from the last one. i know you're in a great deal of pain, beverley, i totally believe you, really i do. but something stinks here. but first things first. let's get the pain under control, then we'll see where you're at. does that make sense?

your statement that you "want to die" is very telling to me and extremely troubling. i want you to know, i hear you. i think many of us on this forum hear you LOUD and CLEAR on that one. we are here to help you through this. we are RIGHT HERE. you also state "i am out of my mind in pain." i, for one, know exactly what you mean when you say that; i've felt the same way myself many, many times. my TOS went undx'd for almost 3 decades. i've been to hell and back with this thing.

please don't rush into surgery. it's not a guarantee of anything, and certainly not of pain relief. if anything, the opposite is true. they're no doubt promising you the moon right now, beverley, either that...or that's what you're hearing, because you are desperate.

don't do it. let's find you a PM doc. cancel that surgical consult. you're not strong enough yet emotionally or physically to withstand TOS surgery.

and i for one am not buying what they're trying to sell you.

you deserve a lot better than this.

and better is out there, beverly. please trust me on that.

i am not trying to take away that glimpse of hope you spoke about. actually, quite the opposite! this is a really good place for you to be right now. i want you to call the number i gave you; i have so much to tell you.

and stay close to the board. it's going to be a bumpy ride.

alison