what a lovely story. i wrote on the sue k/joan m thread about how i 'gramma', and i do sometimes doubt myself as to if i am good enough but when my 18 year old grandson comes by, and brings his friends, i know that what i have to offer is good enough. he and the other boys, i have six grandsons, have never been embarassed with me, and even when i would medicate, and then drag myself, to their basketball games in high school, they would yell, 'hi gram' from where ever they were and that was the sign that it is not what you do, but just that you are there for them, even if you can't get off the couch that day.
they are the focus of my life in so many ways and you are right there are no distractions but the pain ...
thank you for sharing. you were loved. joan