Hello libbyc,

Welcome to the NeuroTalk Support Groups.

I'm really sorry you're in this position.
Have you talked with a counsellor about your feelings and what has been going on in your relationship? While you are having a break from each other is probably a good time but it sounds as if he needs urgent help with his own situation like the self medicating and other behaviours. Is he willing to get professional help at all?

In reading your post I don't so much see it as a compulsion, I see it more as a mutual need or codependency. He needs you but he pushes you away. You love him and you worry about him and maybe even to the point of obsession because you are SO worried about him.

It concerns me that he's telling you that you are the one causing him anxiety and pain.
He's causing himself anxiety and pain.

It's difficult really to make suggestions reading a post, but if I was in your shoes, I'd get some advice in counselling for yourself and go from there.