Ouch! Glad you found NT however. Hopefully there will be a some good souls to reply. You really are in a hurting position. I am old. I know I think what love is suppose to be. Forgive me for saying this, I would walk away from the man. I would heal myself of the pain and grief and get going in a better direction. I don't think he wants help, and he has pushed you away enough. Go ahead, take a chance walk through another door when you feel better. I guess that is what I would do. I want the real love...not the heartache that kills you. You said it yourself. ginnie