Hey,

Thanks so much for the loan of spoons!! They got me through the journey home! (something I really didn't think was going to happen), however I am now paying the price of using every spare piece of cutlery I stole off everyone!

I think that the clavicle is just cross - mum poked it abit and decided that the bone was still there so I'd be fine, (see, this is what happens if you live with ex orthopeadic and now military nurses!) and that this is just from the spasms. I still have to have my many coloured pashminas (ditched the sling - too ugly) and now have my right arm rigged up in one which is then tied around my waist as tight as possible to keep my shoudler as still as possible short term). Some of my hand is more unlocked but it is still very very tight and sore and a lovely grey colour. The paralysis is still there and it's scaring me alot...

It's good to be back, but so hard at the same time. I didn't realise how much I rely on friends or carers until I am at home and don't have a carer around or my friends just to break the constant monotony of pain. I just want to try and distract myself but it's impossible when mums at work and I'm stuck at home in bed, (some of my care arrangements fell through and mates are all at work because I thought I'd sorted the carers for this week).

Also, I had to have one of my cats put down today because she developed a thrombosis this morning which paralysed her. I'm going to miss Izz so much - she was a constant that shared my bed at night, that knew when my pain was too bad and would just sit on my head or my pillow or my chest and lick me - all of which the RSD hated, but I knew she was trying to go "look, I understand how much this sucks, just want to say I care" and just having her on the bed removes some of the isolation that the pain gives.

The spasms are still really bad - it doesn't help that as well as the RSD I also have dystonia and HMS/EDS. The dystonia means that all my muscles get really tight and that they develop contracturs and shake and do all sorts of stupid stuff, whilst the HMS/EDS means that my ligaments etc are all too weak and so my joints sublux or dislocate easily - and mix those two together with RSD and you are slightly screwed.

Carose: Thanks for the spoon loan - I will pay you them back when you need them!!

Molly: Thanks babe - we use tennis balls as well, but sometimes the spasms hit so fast there is no time to get anything in my hand and then you have to have someones hand to try and peel back the fingers again (as I'm sure you know!). The bones crunching is the worst bit - especially watching other people's faces as they feel that happening! We did unfortunatly have to use duct tape but the scarves improved the look somehow.. (last time mum "dissapeared" she came home with some awesome pashminas she'd bought in a souk (correct spelling?) in the middle east somewhere and they are gorgeous) - and were sacrificed as slings and look very pretty.

Linmarie and Desi - thanks so much for being there for me and just letting me know that I am not going through this on my own!

Artist - the epidural sounds awesome - I am going to talk to my PM dr (who has "magically" found my notes) about because I really am struggling with the RSD at the moment. It would be great just to give my body a rest from this because I have no idea how much more it can handle from this. I know that sounds over - the - top but the RSD seems to be going on an all systems break down thing at the moment.

Thanks so much people.....

Love ya loads and thanks!

Frogga xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx