I guess I am feeling overwhelmed and a more than a bit useless. Where to start .. First of all I am a Veteran and I am dependent on the VA for health care, the experience has not been good.

I was in the Army, won a scholarship as a computer programmer, got hired midway through the course and worked for a couple of months before getting bored and becoming a fireman at the Airport. A year later I was pulling duty in the watchtower watching the planes come and go and I thought to myself what am I doing here, I could be on one of those going somewhere.

A week later I was on a plane to Germany where I sold cars on a US base, a year later I was in the USA, I wasn't yet 22. A year after that I joined the US Army to become a helicopter pilot but at the same time a spy scandal concerning a Father and Son sold some naval secrets and as a result non US citizens (I became a citizen 4 years later) had their security clearances pulled.

I elected to stay and went to Mechanic school and later became a crew chief and after that an Inspector. One day I hurt my back moving a helicopter in the hangar and had back problems from that day on. They never could find anything wrong and ultimately after almost 7 years I could no longer meet the physical demands of military life and had to leave.

I'm telling you this so you know what my lifestyle was nothing more, I was all about action and adventure, living on the edge, so to find myself virtually crippled from neuropathy has turned my world upside down. Fast forward a decade or so. I earned a living as a Personal Trainer eventually moved into marketing and consulted to many small businesses.

I just learned to handle the pain, no pain no gain and at 53 I was training to become an MMA fighter, I wanted to be the oldest ever to fight professionally. In February of 2011 I was working out twice a day and consulting for a retail chain between time. I had finished my morning workout, felt great and decided to visit a friend who was in hospital having a colonoscopy.

When I got to her room she was still having the procedure so I sat down and began to watch the news. Less than a minute later I was faced with a crushing pain in my chest, jaw, and shoulder. I literally staggered out to the nurses station where I collapsed. Long story short I had suffered a "Widowmaker" heart attack.

Two titanium stents and a week later I was back in the gym, never skipped a beat. It turned out that due to genetics (not lifestyle, diet etc) my body could not regulate cholesterol. I was put on statins and within a few weeks I complained to the VA doctor about fatigue, muscle aches, and burning in my extremities.

After a year they changed my statins and this went on for a couple of years. About that time my business went south and a project I had invested everything in failed to attract second round funding and I was dead broke.

Through all this I carried on working out, staying in shape but the pain, and fatigue were getting so bad that I went back to the VA literally thinking I was on death's door.

A nurse took me aside and asked me if I took Statins and told me that they were probably the cause of all this and advised me off the record that I should consider whether to continue to take them or not.

As usual they did blood work it was all normal, thyroid, blood sugar (high but not diabetic) Testosterone, etc etc, all good. After that the VA did what is always does and sent me to a psychiatrist, we had a nice chat about why he chose psychiatry and we both agreed , I was not suffering from P.T.S.D. or depression that wasn't appropriate for what I was experiencing.

On April 5th this year I suffered my second "Widowmaker" and this time they performed quintuple bypass surgery. I haven't worked since. The pain in my arms and legs is unbearable it feels like I have been doused with gasoline and set on fire. My tailbone feels like a raw nerve when pressure is applied, i.e. sitting!

I can't sleep, can't work, can't work out, I'm lonely and depressed. I am in this horrible sleep pattern, tonight is an up all night night, but I might be preaching to the choir here. I have started an SSI disability claim but I know it is going to be denied and that ultimately I will have to find a lawyer.

Anyway, thanks for reading and all the best to you.

B