I did pretty well today, considering I was told, officially, my Crps was not only back and flaring but spreading. But, I'm in such pain right now, and feeling really down. I'm usually very good at keeping my spirits up, and have been doing everything I can to live my life to the fullest I'm able to, with my new life. I'm a very optimistic and upbeat person.... although some of my posts when I first joined were a little frantic from the new stress and pain of CRPS.
I do apologize, in advance, for any craziness in this post...
I'm pretty sacred right now. Spreading to my legs... I'm really worried about being able to get a job or being totally or partially disabled. How am I'm going to be able to provide for my family? Or live close to the life I'd finally been able to live again.
Now my fiancé isn't being very supportive at all with the spread. He is a trucker and is on the road 5-6 days out of the week. I was let go from my last job in the end of July do i do all the house work. I really try to get everything I can done, so he doesn't come home to a messy unlivable house. Normally I have NO objections to doing that, it's fair as I'm not making any money. It's even harder right now with the new flare/spread than it was before. I worked so hard today, cleaning the house!! I had my stepson help with a few things like vacuuming, and unloading dishwasher(very !painfully! I loaded this morning and loaded again after dinner), I did all of the following myself!! 4 loads of laundry (the wash/dryer is down a full flight of stairs in the basement), folded/put away all but my daughters clothes (her chore), this alone took around 5 hours! I cleaned up the living/bathroom/kitchen 2 hours more, as walking is so painful right now I can only limp slowly! Went to my doctors appt. for 1 hour there & back, but my legs hurt like crazy as driving !!hurts badly!! Then came home, cooked dinner "spaghetti w/ meat sauce, garlic bread, and green beans." & cleaned up after, put away the leftovers, hand washing the pots & pans. And cleaned the stove and counters....My legs were trembling from pain by point. I did it as determined to take care of my family...
I also put myself to the limits as he works so hard!
Then as he's going to bed, he was yelling about how "cotton balls in the bathroom weren't refilled...."
I couldn't believe it... after everything I did?
So we got into an argument about it. I was so angry/hurt after working like I did, while in such pain! He only kept yelling saying that "things need to be put where they go"
He actually told me I need to just learn to "deal with it", to "stop moaning and groaning to him about this and that because he's tired of hearing about it." And that all I need to get better is to "decide to fight" this and not "sit around " all day & not be so Sedentary"
He has even talked to my doctors! So I don't know what to do to make him understand it's not a "ignore it" type of pain!!
Since I hadn't heard a thank you for anything else I did..? I (finally) told him I was screaming from pain and still clean & cook so he doesn't have to! I feel like no matter what I do it's never good enough!

It just hurts so much..for him to say those things... I tried asking him if he thinks I want to be like this? I do fight every single day to be as active as I can! To do as much for my family as I can! But that no matter what I do it's never enough! That yes!there are many things that I CAN'T do!! But I DO fight every day to do all the things I have been doing!! Like waiting on You!
...he still seems to think that this is a pain you can "ignore" or "deal with" or "suck it up" or "get over" like I've Flippin stubbed my toe for Christ's Sake!!
I'm so tired of trying to help or make him understand. ... I really don't want to be like this..
I was working a full time job but for a few months for the entire time I've had Crps!! I told him how I feel "no Empathy or support from him anymore"....
he said he was "tired of hearing about it"...((in reality...I don't talk to him about it much anymore, as he seems to not care))
he actually said "he's just sick of hearing about it, and thinks I just need to ignore it and move on with my life"
Like I wouldn't if I could???!!
I just feel like that if he truly loved me wouldn't he be supporting me? Trying to ease my pain, in any way? I would!
I, wait on him hand and foot, have a warm, homemade dinner waiting for him as soon (or soon after) he's home,bring it to him with a drink, serve him seconds, and clean it all up as well?? With the pain I'm in...
It wasn't as hard to do when (I think) my Crps was under control. But now...
I am so sick of it, how could I let him treat me like this? ..and then I think..
Who else would want me? I can barely take care of myself without having some kind of massive pain flare that can land them in a wheelchair for months. ....I can't hold a steady job, due to "sick days" causing "disturbances in the workplace sufficient to breach a reasonable code of conduct expected by the employer" (the actual reason I was denied unemployment btw)
God. ..I am just so sick of feeling so dam useless....to everyone. ...