No, he doesn't want to go out with me anymore, and right now I'm still kind of in shock. Going to let him go do what he wants to do.

He said he's going to come see me in a few weeks. Wants to give me back the old laptop that I'd given him earlier this year. It was not working anymore for me when I gave it to him. He was going to use it for a work computer at his job. He fixed it up with new hard drive, new battery, new operating system. Fixed the issues with the dvd drive. Said he put $200 into fixing it. He's going to let me have it back because his job just bought him a new computer for him. Guess they wanted him to have a new computer that was faster and easier to carry. I have to wonder if there was a liability issue with using a personal laptop for his job.

So, I guess getting my old Toshiba back with all the upgrades is my consolation prize.

I thought about the relationship last night. It's been a bit of a long distance relationship. He lives another town over about 50 miles from me. I don't know if traveling the distance had anything to do with it. I do suspect that my MS had a lot to do with it. Even tho he said that wasn't it. (got the "it's not you, it's me" line from him)

I met him ten years ago on May 4th, 2004. Wanna guess when my last actual date with him was?

May 4th of this year. Exactly ten years to the day.

I've just been sitting here all summer, waiting for him to recover from his having a broken leg, and a temporary kidney failure problem related to the broken leg. He'd not been calling me much lately. I'd not been feeling good, and not actually calling him either.

I'm pretty bleeping despondent right now. Disappointed in him. Kind of ticked off at the MS for making me feel like crap while all of this is going on.

Went to the doctor today, because I had that migraine earlier this week that lasted several days, and it kind of fired up again this morning. The weird neurological sensations on the left side of my face were causing me issues, and my dad had suggested that it might be shingles. It could be trigeminal neuralgia, but the doctor checked me over for that. He really thought that might dad might be right about it being shingles. But, I don't have a shingles rash yet. Told me to call him this weekend if the shingles rash shows up. He said he'd be on call all weekend, so he'd be able to call in a Rx if I need it.

I kind of broke down and had a meltdown in his office because of the (ex)boyfriend stuff. So, he talked to me awhile about that. Told me that I should take advantage of being a bit...mad...at him for the way things were handled and use the anger to give me energy to go exercise. Because endorphins from exercise might be helpful. I'm probably going to do that. Just have to figure out a place to go for the exercise.

My doctor did have an opinion about my boyfriend. He might have called him an expletive that starts with the first letter of the alphabet. The word might be a descriptive word for a location on the body. He said from what I told him about things, he thought that I was right about the reasons for getting dumped. It's the MS.

I'm about to do a little bit of retail therapy. I'm going to buy myself a new fountain pen. I started keeping a journal a few weeks ago. I bought a fountain pen to use for it, and I'm really liking using fountain pens again. I used to buy fountain pens when I was in high school because they were fun to use. I'm getting back into the fountain pen collecting now. Also getting a notebook to doodle in.

Found a fairly inexpensive fountain pen to have for my second fountain pen purchase. I was looking at another one that cost a little bit more, but I'm going to save that one for later this winter when I start doing the Xmas shopping.

Right now I'm just feeling incredibly hurt. I'm hoping that the stress of stuff that I was told at PT this week, and then the exboyfriend stress isn't going to set off another new MS flare. Because I really do not need that kind of stress and pain. I need something good to happen. But I really don't think that's going to be happening.

Nothing good ever happens to me. The last couple of years have just really sucked. I thought I had something good there, but as usual, just when I think things are great, or ok, that just gets ripped away. Tired of that.