I am struggling with the same question. One minute I am running a dept, teaching martial arts and running a household. The next minute I am this self I have become. It's like it's me but not me at all. My own parents have even accused me of being different and mean. Very hurtful.

It has been over a year now. I have had to "get past" not being able to work and "get past" the things I can't do anymore. When my body feels fatigued I now give in and have a rest. I've allowed myself to live this new life and not always be feeling guilty. I am not perfect though. There are some rough days when I question the person I have become: my short temper, always looking tired, feeling exhausted, short term memory (forgetfulness), chronic pain and speech issues, etc. I now allow the emotions and make it OK to experience them. For myself, being outside is the BEST! I can now just sit and be in silence, and be content. This would have driven me crazy in the past. My goal now is doing what I need to do to get better. Patience is a virtue - and challenging.

What moves me forward is the hope of receiving treatment, to heal, the support of a few close friends and my family; especially my son.

I know a large part of my "loss" was spiritual, in the sense of not being able to practice my martial art anymore. I have, however, tried focusing on the meditation or simply allowing myself to be in silence. Everyone's journey is different and very difficult. This is what has led me here to this forum. I hope any of this novel I seemed to have typed has been helpful. I wish you all the best in your journey and one thing I know for myself is that I will not give up hope.