I truly understand all those emotions you are going through eva. I had a long journey through them myself until I finally reached acceptance. I didn't like it, didn't want to end there but it is, what it is. Guilt didn't work, didn't change the facts, anger didn't help me understand those "choices"

You are NOT responsible for her bad choices. We human beings would rather blame ourselves for tragic occurences than admit that we are unable to prevent them from happening.

It is that old accept the things we cannot change thing.