Much like MrsD with her Angry Birds, I lose myself in an online fantasy world game. Killing dragons and such makes the hours fly buy, and before I know it the afternoon has been and gone, all the while my focus on the game has taken my mind off the pain, completely!

Late at night seems to be the most painful time for me. Every night I lay here next to hubby as he snores, and I research neuropathy, gluten, etc. in an effort to educate myself. I read these forums, which helps a lot. Knowing I'm in good company on this journey certainly helps.

For me, acceptance of my Doctor's word is defeatist.

I've accepted whatever is going on with my body because I want to take control of it. I will get to the bottom of what is causing this pain, and I will rid myself of it if that's the last thing I do. No Doctor is going to give up, throw pain meds at me and expect me to lay down and take it. THAT is why I've 'accepted' it. I've excepted there is something wrong, but I will never accept that it's won and there is no hope.

Hope that makes sense, I often struggle to get my message across thanks to medications.

If kicking stuff, screaming at stuff, and swearing helps, then I see nothing wrong with that. Pent up anger is poison to your body, let it out, loudly and often. Just take it out on teddy bears and pillows, not other living beings.

I understand your anger toward people who live pain free. Why were we chosen to endure this torture? I sometimes wish people around me could experience my pain for just an hour or so, long enough for them to understand what I'm going through. I mourn for my life the way it was. It's not fair! It sux!

I disappear into a fantasy world in a game. Others meditate. Others scream and beat up pillows. Whatever you need to do in order to detox from that anger is fine, so long as its working for you.