Hi NanaP25. I'm a 19 yr old college student, physics major. You used a lot of terms I don't understand, but I do know about Lupus. My mother has that. Your other issues are too complicated for me, but I want to wish you well. I also saw that you spend "many hours alone" and I'm sorry for that. I kinda understand that; I live off-campus in a tiny apartment with my dog. (My family's back in Ireland.) He's probly my best friend. Sounds dumb, I know. Can you talk to your kids or husband about your feelings? I call my mom every couple days and miss her. Maybe your children can help or a friend. I'm sorry I don't know anything about your medical condition but I'm sure you matter to a lot of people. I hope you get some answers to your questions. Best wishes to you, you sound like a very good person. Take care, Darius