this that is something
completely different
a feeling i never felt in my life time
a shrink i have for more than five years
has me on Zoloft yet to me just another pill
i do not want to feel what i am feeling
it is something that crept up and before you
know it you have a knot in your stomach
and a hole in your heart
i have never felt the yearning for
this horrible horrible appendage i have no control of
my mind robbed by impending doom
what good am i to my family
who wants to feel like dying
i know how i got here
and i talked through it with
my shrink
and like yourselves
tell me you have your family
Eva my grandchild who is my responsibility
you would think
that would wipe that doomed feeling
they have Nothing to do with it
i feel i have and i understand it's just a
feeling where you are hoping
this too shall pass
well
it doesn't
sometimes you just want to shut your brain off
where's the turn off "button"
the rerun of my life
i cringe at so many memories
so few are the remembrances
of Happy times
come this far in life
and there is no choice
it is not an option
i have to believe
if this came out of wherever
it can go away one day i
HOPE
so not today
me