Good Morning Everyone hope all is doing well , I cant take this pain anymore I have done had 4 neck surgeries and I was praying that this last one was going to do the trick I has been going on 7 weeks now I have been in rehab but for the past week I have been getting up every morning hurting really bad I am not a fighter anymore im 45 yrs old and cant take it anymore I don't know what else to do I go back to see the dr tomorrow and I know he is going to tell me its my fault because I am a smoker i really need help and i am not on any pain med because for one he don't want to give me any and 2 i really don't want to get addicted to pain med again but my pain has come to the point where i want to ** just end it all i have 3 kids and a grandbaby and that is what is holding me back because i don't want them growing up without a mom are a grandmother i don't know what else to do anymore i have people tell me that it cant be that bad i am overectacting but i am not i wish they could walk in my shoes for one day . thank you for letting me vent and if anyone knows anything i might can do please respond . i am not crazy in the head i know my pain is real i walk around everyday with a smile on my face so people around me don't see me in pain but i cant do it anymore