for all those who understand
help me understand why i cannot
shake off this way of life
as i complain
and i think who am i to complain
Our Brother Jesus Christ
hung from a Cross
to save us
what adversities we all go through
on a daily basis
i ache so badly
day in and day out
as many of you also
my mind i cannot control anymore
this is not a way to live
not a way to live
my children see me cry everyday
it has certainly affected my family
in many way for certain
oh how i do not want my negativity
to damage them
it is not healthy and they are old enough to understand
then i get from my grandchild
trying to explain to her
i don't want to feel sad
its not fun
she says what feels sad
i tell her my heart feels sad
mimma cant do some of the things
you ask me
she proceeds to speak to my heart
asking what side it is on
i show her
and she begins to speak to it
please heart don't make my mimma sad
she makes me happy
and i want her to be happy
well i don't think i need to say much more
other than making her understand
it doesn't have anything to do with her
but that it stops me from having with her sometimes
having to do things

this is my heavy heart
it has absolutely zero to do with
my children
sure i worry if they cannot take care of themselves
blesses us with a beautiful grandchild
that has been here even while she was in moms belly

i look at her when she isn't looking while flipping
the pages to her books
looking at the pictures
watching her eyes and brain
as she puts the story together by the pictures
i am at awe to see that mind at work
a little person of her own
she is now testing boundaries
it is the three of us
and to give you an idea of what it's like
when i take the phone away from her sixteen year old
auntie
she is thrilled she
was being punished

and it is full circle
again
looking for my attention
of course
my granddaughter that is
the competition my goodness
she wants her mimma to herself
and the pitch of her scream
surprises me it doesn't shatter glass

point
no option
but the okay for the mothers daughter
to cry and it be
i miss mommy
i'll respond
i do to
both her and i with
a heavy heart
for sure
she is gorgeous
let me give her happiness
let her and my family
be happy
let me have happiness for them
they deserve it
they without doubt
love me
i have no option
i have to be a mother
let me be the best i can
bring me strength to achieve
tasks that brings me joy
along with my family
the choice is not today
me