Annie, as you can imagine, I was hesitant to post my story, because believe me, the last think I wanted was to suggest that anyone's symptoms weren't real! But I know that there's no such thing as an illegitimate experience, and I know that I am welcome to post my experience here, just as everyone else is welcome to post theirs. There are no stories that need to be left untold because of what other people might think. My story is my story. A psychogenic illness is an illness, and as all of us know, attaching a stigma to an illness helps no one.

It isn't helpful to use the word "real" to describe non-psychogenic symptoms, because it dismisses the legitimacy and reality of psychogenic ones. Think of it this way: if you are embarrassed, and your face turns red, that's a psychogenic symptom. Your face is really red, and there is a real physiological explanation for it: your blood vessels are truly dilated (or whatever). If you hear terrible news and faint, that's psychogenic, but it's physiological: your low blood pressure can be measured, etc. If you are terrified and start shaking, it's not "all in your head"--it's because of adrenalin. The adrenalin is "real." "Psychogenic" doesn't mean imaginary, or fake, or "all in your head." Even a rash can be psychogenic.

When I was undiagnosed, my biggest fear was that my illness would be dismissed as "all in my head." When my doctor suggested my shaking was psychogenic, he wasn't being dismissive--he noticed things about it (for example, it stopped when I was distracted) that indicated the diagnosis. He was very gentle and respectful. When he used that word, "psychogenic," I was devastated. I burst into tears. I told him, "I'd rather be sick than crazy." Like I say, my worst nightmare. But he was convincing enough to give me the key I needed to overcome that symptom. And my understanding now is that my susceptibility to the psychogenic shaking wasn't "craziness" or any sort of mental or emotional weakness--it was a response to the weird neurological symptoms I was having.

About six weeks after I went off the Imuran, I had a recurrence of a mild autoimmune disease I've had my whole life--atopic dermatitis. It's mild, and I hadn't really noticed the Imuran took it away. Now I'm itchy again. But the MG symptoms are goner than ever.

If my MG symptoms come back, I certainly won't think they're "all in my mind." After all, it was my body that used to fall to the floor, not my mind, and I certainly didn't want to fall to the floor or intend to fall to the floor or make myself do it. And if my MG symptoms come back, I won't assume they're psychogenic, either. I have been very careful to be clear here and to myself that I don't know. I have overwhelming evidence that the shaking was psychogenic. That's all I know.

One more time: I don't post my story here to suggest that anyone else's symptoms are psychogenic. If I had to guess, I'd guess they aren't. My MG symptoms have always been atypical. But I do claim the right to talk about myself without having anyone assume I'm implying anything about anyone else.

I wish you all encouragement and wellness, and I thank you all for your gentle response to my difficult story. I am working very hard to resist the temptation to feel humiliated by it.

Abby