Originally Posted by _Ash_

I've been reading a fair few threads on here but dont often reply. Because they me me cry, feeling guilt, shame...and relief.

I'm a single mum and I'm really truggling to ope with it all at the moment. I'm in so much pain all the time, so sensitive to noise andight. School runs are torture and not helped by the staff and other parents giving my dirty looks and saying nasty things.

I look like crap, sallow, almost black-bruising eyes and lost weight.I honestly think a lot of them thin I'm a junky. But i just dont have time, energy or inclination to play stupid social games and get them on side. I wrote a letter to the headmaster explaining, hoping this would help...it didnt.

My house is a mess. I just cant tidy properly. I clean so we dont live in dirt/un-hygenic but it leaves me shaking, sick, dizzy. I keep snaping at my 6yo son. Ive told him to **** off. How awful is that??! Its just like the fustration bubbles up and thats all I can feel and its stutters out it swear words. I remove myself fro situation and can them calm down.

After I apologise to him and try to explain: he understands. He says he can see when the crack in my heads bad. He knows swaring is bad and doest do it, he said I didnt used to and knows I dont mean it. He's such a good boy but I hate that he has to be this understanding.

Today he came and gave me a hug and said "Im the only one in the whole universe who cares about you, arent I?"

None of my friends or family have been there, he's right. its so hard. I'm doing the best I can but I know its not good enough. Im behind on work and I just cant handle peoples negativty.

I live in britain and I have tan skin, im a self employed single mother who has benefit help. There is so much hate aimed at people like me: racism, sexism, classim and I used to e able to deal with it. Now it leaves me with dread and fury.

And guilt beceasue I start to think maybe theyre right. Maybe I am scum.



Which is stupid, beuase even injured we are a good family, trying our best.

This has turned into a bit of a whinge, huh? Sorry...