Hi ((Befuddled)).

Long ago in a time far away, I was married to an abusive husband...emotionally, verybally, and very bad physically. I was knocked unconscious, broken nose several times, a couple broken ribs, kicked in the back with his cowboy boots on, kicked in the breasts and stomach...you name it.

That was wayyyy back when the women's movement was in its infancy but it wasn't in its infancy in Iowa. There were no shelters, and I was raised by a mom who told me when I got out of high school I would get married and have a family of my own. So I did. Nobody but closest friends believed me until he started bruising my face...then they did.

After about 4 years of beatings, he stopped...the physical part. There was no love, if there ever were any, on my part. I became a little more verbal and snotty to him, where I got the guts, I dunno. And he kicked me out and filed for divorce. Best thing that ever happened in my life. I was too...what words am I looking for. Dependent. I didn't know how to be independent.

Anyway...after that for years, off and on, I'd get hooked up with people my therapist referred to as 'emotionally unavailable'. LOL nice way of putting it. Seems the nice guys who wanted me and wanted to marry me were too nice. I was always attracted to the bad boys.

I've never remarried and have lived alone for sometime now. Thankfully, I have many friends and a good family support.

Why did I turn this around to be about me???? Good grief. Well, maybe just to let you know how brave I think you are for doing this. I don't know who filed for the divorce, but I hope and pray you go through with it. Nobody deserves abuse like that.

You can move on and you will. It's hard right now because you don't know any other way. Alffe has a lot of good suggestions. The best therapist in the world saved my life. I think there are a lot of crappy therapists out there, but I lucked out.

I know people think...well, how is a therapist going to help me? Mine did. She helped me put into words thoughts that I already had but wasn't making sense to me, if that makes sense, LOL. My self esteem sucked, and I still struggle with that. I work at it every day. Though I"m far from perfect, I'm proud for the progress I've made.

You will be too. You're fresh out of the gate of abuse hell. You'll find your way. Read about how to build your self esteem. Self help books...some don't like them, but they are so good. Good ones can help you help yourself. And talking to others. Learn as much as you can about survivors of abuse. You will be able to relate. Light bulbs will go on. The more you learn, the stronger you'll grow.

Lean on us, girl! You will be fine, and I'm very proud of you for talking about it. Tons of love and hugs.