i have no clue what your plan is for me
i come to You with everything
and I thank You despite the hard trials
i have come to understand much
and it is minuscule to what my Brother
had to endure
i try to muster up the strength to move forward
a daughter who should be a mother to her daughter
not her her and her
and all the after effects fall on my door step
Father
i never imagined this would have been such
a difficult choice
i have watched my granddaughter
whenever needed
that has been four years just from pregnancy time
i have been on this road with her since seventh grade
You know what my road has been like thus far
it was your plan
every person that ever came in my life
just in passing all Your plan
as i tried to be a responsible person was a hard lesson
at the expense of my loved ones
Sobriety it's a Good thing
i know there will be those who will understand
the magnitude of that statement
therefore
i am blessed to have been an alcoholic
as 20 plus years
and i understand that today is the most
important day
confusion riddles my brain
to have lived a life such as mine
i can't help but wonder
this is all for what
unhappiness is a way of life
have i tried to live happiness
or intent of happiness
that comes in many forms
therefore even if intent of kindness overlooked
because of ones narcissistic personality that
has an addiction problem that caused her to loose the baby
it hurts so badly to hear the baby cry for her mother when
being reared and she will get upset
it won't be her father because he picks her up
and takes her out
Father You know how i feel about thanksgiving
and for her mother pulled
wanting to sleep rather than entertain her child
she left her child for a place to sleep

my eldest beside herself
could not contain herself
and i'm in the room playing with
her and the t.v. turned up

this all your plan
had some limited time to figure
that out
one thing it is her mommy and she wants to play with her

THIS IS WHEN MY ELDEST JUMPED IN
AFTER HEARING ENOUGH BULL TURD THAT WAS
BEING FED TO HER
she tried to contain herself
i know i couldn't
she is so sweet
knowing things were going
she deserves much happiness in her life
she is someone special
blessed by my eldest
we have been through just so much

i pray in Jesus name
Amen
and to all trying to keep me afloat
from my being with the understanding
of happiness
happiness is my goal
me