Of all the symptoms I've endured since my MVA, the lack of emotional control is, hands down, the worst - because it is the one that most hurts other people.

A couple things that can help to get a handle on this are learning to recognize triggers and developing "rebooting" strategies.

Sometimes, admittedly, I can fly of the handle for no apparent reason. However, in other instances, there are definite sparks.

I think most of us realize that we are vulnerable when we're tired and/or overstimulated. Additionally, I have discovered there are a number of other things that can set me off.

I can't cope with being rushed. To avoid this, as much as possible, I plan ahead for things I have to do. I find it helps if I make a schedule: eat at 8am, brush teeth at 8:15, leave food for cat 8:20, pack car 8:25, etc...

This seems to help me avoid a number of TBI behaviours, including procrastinating, anxiety over the notion I might forget something, actually forgetting something, losing track of time, etc...

I also budget way more time than might seem necessary, because, if I'm interrupted in a task, I generally can't resume it in the middle, and have to start it all over again.

That brings me to my big, big trigger: interference. Left to my own devices, I can get through things pretty calmly. It's people interrupting me, even when they think they are being helpful, that can set me on the slippery slope to an atomic TBI meltdown.

Getting out of the house, with my dawdling daughter, has been the trigger for some of my worst outbursts.

I agree 100% with Mark, that we do not have a right to this sort of behaviour. I do, however, wish that my family would "play fair" with me.

My neuro-psychologist explained to my husband, at some length, that I had significant frontal lobe injuries, and that the family needed to help me control my behaviour by moderating theirs.

For example, don't interrupt me when I'm working. It takes a lot of mental energy for me to stay on task. As I have trouble seeing patterns, my brain no longer seems to process a project, like cooking a meal, as a series of individual activities, in sequence, but as a giant whole.

If I'm interrupted, I will lose the thread and almost certainly have to start all over. That is very frustrating - especially if it's done repeatedly.

The doctor warned my family not to engage me in decision making when I'm tired. If they do, I might be inclined to adopt a ridiculous position. The more they point that out, as my brain get stuck in ruts, the more deeply I will dig in.

The specialist told my husband that, rather than argue, if he asks my opinion, and he gets a seemingly irrational and/or uncharacteristic response, drop the subject. Ask again is a day or two, and he will probably get a more reasoned reply.

All of that sounds like good advice. Sadly, my family can't follow it.

My daughter is a child, so allowances must be made. However, as she's entered the tween drama stage, I have, at times, felt that she was trying deliberately to provoke me.

I have explained to her that, while her behaviour was suboptimal, my response was over the top. I told her that, while I understand that a certain amount of rebellion and attitude is natural at her age, it's just another thing TBI mom can't handle appropriately.

I do not like to yell at her. I don't want her to learn that it's acceptable for anyone to lose control. If we can't find a way to coexist peacefully, for her sake, we might have to consider boarding school. Yes, it can be that awful.

My husband is, frankly, impossible. Let me say, at the outset, that he is not a bad person. It's just that his professional training mitigates against his being able to accept the impact of TBI. He has said, quite plainly, that he thinks I should be able to use my still considerable IQ to reason my way past my symptoms. He thinks I'm choosing to be weak willed and indulgent. ugh

He expresses this belief by doing pretty much everything the neuro-psychologist told him not to. For example, when I try to walk away from a situation, he won't let me. He will follow me, continuing to argue, based on his belief that I'm trying to "win" by avoiding a subject.

Not giving me space to decompress leads, just as the specialist warned, to my getting stuck in a thought rut. sigh...

So, absent support from my partner, I have had to devise ways to try and control my emotions.

Distraction can be helpful. I leave crossword and circle a word puzzles all over the house. When I feel myself getting upset or dug in, I start doing one. Changing tasks, seems to reboot my brain and get me off the emotional steamroller. Even shuffling a deck of cards or peeling a carrot can help.

In this instance, I'm using a deficit - my difficulty thinking about more than one thing at a time - as a coping tool. Formulating the next nasty thing to yell at somebody is more difficult than engaging in a simple, familiar, repetitive task, like peeling a vegetable. Given two options, my brain seems to default to the easier one. This gives me an opportunity to calm myself.

Anyway, sorry for the long post. As I said at the beginning, the TBI emotional issues are the ones that most trouble me. Old me was kind and calm. I HATE myself for the "mommy monster" moments. I really think that only other TBI patients can understand the anguish.