If you were a ballerina, then you must have been a superior athlete.

I would imagine a lot of your emotional pain would be that you don't see yourself as the person you used to be. Sadly it's a place so many of us find ourselves in for so many reasons. Because you're dealing with so much physical pain, it must be very difficult to accept this new "you".

If I'm understanding correctly then the doctors are not sure of what is causing some of your pain? If so, I hope that is sorted out fast so that you can get treatments to make you more comfortable. If you and your partner are in a place where you aren't talking about your condition/s and it's becoming like "the elephant in the room" as that old saying goes, then it might be helpful to get some counselling for the two of you.

I'm sorry you're feeling so down.