karen--your son loves you so much..it is so very clear here..he is very special and was raised to value "family" which too many children are not. guilt is a hard one for we always put so much guilt on ourselves--sick or not-- but we can only do what we can..me writing about this subject is crazy-- i am the queen of guilt--i blame myself for losing my entire family..my mom and i raised 4 mentally and physically handicapped children for over 25 yrs..when she passed in 1993 i was granted guardianship of all the boys--2 foster boys and 2 adopted boys. then i was injured.. and the state took my 2 foster kids away ,due to my injuries) i then made a decision for david (my baby,my life ,my soul) to get an ileostomy surgery, due to his chrone's disease. to make his life a better one..surgery went well but i took a break and left him with his one-one aide she did not listen to the instructiions given to her ...and left him alone--he fell out of the bed fracturing his left hip==which lead to another surgery and the phemonia that killed him== if i didn't take that one break he would be here right now...
i still have my adopted- autistic brother terry..who i can no longer give him the life of love and fun that we once had..my soul is crushed.my body worse.. and it is so unfair to him..do i put him in a group home?? to give him the best of life?? what if i make a mistake and just because i need a break (again) something happens to him??
your son knows and understands what you can and cannot do...my brothers didn't understand==all they knew was that i made them leave their home...
well this was not suppose to go this long and be about me---just say we all have our guilt and we all need to fiind the strength to do what we can when we can--i am kinda running on empty these days but will send you some of my extra hidden strength to help you thru the next minute-- take care moonstar