Quote:
Originally Posted by PamelaJune
Eva, I too have not a decoration in sight, but I have people staying here so that's been my excuse. They will leave tomorrow morning and I am going to drag the big box of all my Xmas decorations out from the junkroom to the living room and dig deep into my reserves to delve into the box repeatedly as I go back n forth getting things out and create a festive scene!
WHAT am I saying....
I'm going to get the big box stored in the junk room moved to the living room today;
Im going to ask one of the guests to do it;
I'm going to ask each of them to select an item or two from the box and display it somewhere appropriate in the house;
I'm going to leave the box where it's placed until it's emptied of all decorations;
I'm going to ask every visitor who comes to the house in the next week to select an item or two from the box and display it until the box empties;
I'm going to ask the last visitor to place the then empy box back in the junk room ready for when it's next needed (28 days from now)
I'm going to be kind to myself this year;
I'm going to allow other people to help me;
I'm going to grow and become a better person and gracefully accept I need to ask for help;
I'm going to accept people are not mind readers, they don't know what I need doing if I don't speak up and ask;
I'm going to accept not every one is like me, tuned to every situation occurring around me and intuitively knowing when someone needs helping;
I'm going to surprise myself and do nothing other than ask for help;
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dear PamelaJune
thank you for reminding me of the situation at hand
i do have a problem asking for help
as i do i am let down most of the time
being a control freak blessed with OCD
erring to the the side of all neat everything has a home
but this is me
i need to work on controlling myself
myself only
i am up against evil
depression set in hard
i would love to shake this self pity
i wish i could remember that each day is a gift from God
i am carrying to much turd that isn't even mine to carry
yet it affects me as it is my family
a ill family
and things were harder when our father blew himself away
our mother shunned us
and was that narcissistic person
there was a moment
i was about 8 months pregnant at a bingo game
my mothers oldest friend my aunt here vacationing
i sitting across from them
and i hear my mother
mind you i'm 38 years old
and she says
"if i had to do it all over having children i wouldn't"
it didn't matter i was a grown woman who superseded
in many ways being a single strong woman raising 4 children by myself
no trophies please
i had a job to do and did my very best no help
from my family
and when i say family
99% of all my lineage reside where my history
of family is in Hungary no contact with them
my mother
my two younger sisters
one has my nephew
my youngest sister 45 years old
single no children
and my four children
we are it
not doing well
a mother estranged from two of her three girls
it is my youngest sister who is still in contact with her
oh how her man and his family make her happy
kicked her kids to the curb
when she sold the house both my parents bought
and that be that
oh you wonder why am i in the past
Christmas growing up there was ALWAYS a huge
fight between our parents
and i started our own tradition
well known to my family
only my own family is in all sorts of turmoil
where am i going with all this
i asked for help and it isn't taken seriously
and they have better things to do i guess
i have not had company i can't remember
my last guest
no true friends
the God parent for Corissa said to me fourteen years ago
i cannot be i you life to many negative things going on
only to find out she had a black 3rd child and gave him up for adoption an Irish redhead with two boys already
we became very close as she came into my waitress years
and i took her under my wing
and she had split from her husband
history
just an example
i have not made any close friends since
i had just delivered Corissa
and this is when my troubled child who made me
a mother all over as i have custody
and she seems to be very comfortable with the arrangements
and life goes on
never know when something is up that screws up
what we put together
i don't want what happened Thanksgiving
to roll over into Christmas
my depression is enough
something i want out of my being
so many changes just in my life alone
there is much i need to do
and being mostly single all my life
except for a short lived marriage
my goal happy feelings
i miss feeling happy
thank you for you insight and upbeat Spirit
the tubs have been out for a week
still on the fence about opening up memories
all ornaments made and are original each year a new one
is added so PamelaJune it too is emotional
i will adopt your outlook and be conscious to apply it
God bless you and all you love
what a wonderful way of getting the box to empty out
love
me
thanks