visioniosiv - I'll admit that some of the positive spiritual things your post mentioned weren't things I paid much attention to the first or second time I read your post. But I had this moment yesterday where I realized that I have focused my energy on bending the world around me - getting better socks, seeing the best doctors, etc. but I hadn't taken the time to bend the energy within me. And until I do that - until I can forgive myself - simply bending the world around me won't be enough. I very much blame myself for getting injured, but oddly enough, not for what's happened since. Very early on, before I even knew I had RSD, a friend pointed out that I talk about my foot like its a separate entity, not part of my body. I still talk that way to this day. I blame the nerves for overreacting. But I blame myself for giving them the opportunity to overreact. Anyway, I have decided to more consciously move towards doing mediation and looking at Buddhism. I have wanted to do both for awhile, but never prioritized it and also felt that as a scientist, it likely wasn't for me. But I think now it might be.

I want to thank you for taking the time to respond. I logged on today to post a rant about this condition. I didn't want to rant to my friends on Facebook, so I thought I would reach out here. Every time I feel like I take a step forward, something new pops up, sending me at least a step, if not more back. But this post reminded me that while I can feel angry, and I do need to let it out, I also can breathe, let it go, and keep moving forward. Any new issue doesn't have to hold me back or slow me down. Thank you. I needed this more than words can express.