Dear Bizi,

Yes, you are still grieving Harriet. You will from time to time, it's ok. Don't let guilt mess with this. It is false guilt.

I do believe you did the best you could. Chances are if she had been in a lot of pain, you would have known in some way.

Euthanasia is a terrible, difficult, decision, even when there is no cure. With animals, we have to make the call for them. They can't tell us whether they are in favor or not, or when they are ready. That's so, so hard.

Our cat also died of cancer. My mother had to take her in finally, and couldn't stand the idea. Years later, thinking on it, she also had the thoughts that perhaps she should have done it sooner. Our cat had a different kind of cancer, but she too stopped eating near the end. The last month or so, my mother was boiling chicken breast for her, and then pureeing it. That was the only thing she would eat, and finally stopped eating that too.

I cried reading your story. I feel for you. I also started thinking of our cat. She died almost 30 years ago. Sometimes when I think of her, I still grieve. Other times, I enjoy happy memories. Sometimes it is a mixture of both. I don't think it's wrong or abnormal. Some people do not get as attached to animals, so they do not understand it. Your emotional energy is not wasted. She was like a person to you. It sounds to me as though Jeff was not as attached to Harriet as you were.

Just as you had more time, so did she, and you nurtured her till the very end. Harriet was blessed to have such a good cat-mommy. I insist on that.

I am so sorry for your loss.



waves