Originally Posted by Hopeless

Dear Lit Love,

Oh, no, the acquaintance has you on the ropes so to speak. For "giving and helpful" people, like you, not only do you feel compelled to be polite, but pushy people will also make you feel obligated when they do something for you. Been there. The more she "helps" and does for you, the more reluctant you may become to be direct and set limits. I use the word "you" not to mean you specifically, but as a general pronoun.

The first line of Mrs. D's comment is very true.

It is also very difficult to set limits and be honest with someone that does anything for you no matter how big or small, wanted or not.

As I mentioned to you in a PM a while back, your patience and the help you have shown on forums in NT is remarkable to say the least. Your kindness and personality show through your responses on NT to posters seeking assistance.

I wish I could do the same for YOU in this matter but the acquaintance may react entirely different than I expect to suggestions I may have made. Unless you do not want to "risk" the loss of a potential friend, I still say, put the cards on the table, be direct and let the chips fall. If this party can not accept YOUR terms, you will be better off without the complication in your life.

If you NEED her help and assistance in your current situation, you may have to just accept the grief with the help.

It is very difficult to say something that "may" offend someone, especially when they have done some kind acts toward you, but honesty may be your only method of taking care of yourself and what is in your best interest. You should put yourself FIRST, before the feelings of this individual.

Like they teach in First Responders courses, you can't help anyone else if you put yourself in danger. It is NOT selfish to take care of yourself. You won't be any good to anyone if you are not taking care of yourself. A first responder can not help the injured person to whom they are responding if they injury themselves in route.

Take care of YOUR needs, emotional, too, before you take care of the feelings of this individual. You owe it to yourself. Your nature may be to help others first but resist that temptation. As they say, charity begins at home. Be charitable to yourself. Speak your mind with her as tactfully as possible. You have excellent communication skills and will be able to make your point kindly.