I have had pcs for 2 and 3/4 years now. My car insurance company has deemed my totally disabled in terms of working and most of the medical professionals has deemed my prognosis as guarded to very poor.

I live in a three bedroom townhouse with three levels. I have tried employing a number of different strategies to help me cope with meals, housekeeping and parenting.

The long and short of it is I am barely coping. Although I tried to limit how often I go up and down the stairs, the stairs are tiring and consume a huge amount of energy. I try making a meal that will last 3 days so I cut down on meal preparation and the amount of housekeeping I am able to do is really pathetic. I have asked my 17 year to parent herself, I don't have the energy to keep up with her.

My house is in need of some repairs, along with the housekeeping I can not keep up with. My insurance will not provide funds for assistance. They ask "can you prepare meals", "can you do housework", "can you do other activities". You answer yes, but it is not like you can do it all in one day or event one week. Yes over the span of 2 months I can get the housework down, and I can make meals as long as I don't eat every day.

I am considering selling my house and buying a 2 bedroom apartment (brand new). I have 2 children still at home and have told the older child if I sell the house he would have to find somewhere else to live.

I want to put minimal furniture and distractions in the apartment so that I can create a calming and peaceful environment and something that would be really easy to keep up.

By cutting down on my activities of daily living, I am hoping to create some time and energy to work on more therapeutic activities (yoga, swimming etc.) I find it a huge challenge to fit in these extras and use up a lot of energy trying to negotiate day to day living into my life.

I have huge fatigue issues; I sleep usually 12- 14 hours a day; I have dizziness, nausea, significant vision issues (limited reading and watching t.v.), I still can not lift anything heavier than 10 - 15 pounds without an immediate increase to my headache and every carrying lighter things around fatigues me quickly.

I have already sold my tent trailer and my suv. I know I need to sell my kyak (I can't pick it up let along paddle it). Somehow I feel like I am slowly selling off my life, I think I can relate to elderly people who get put into an old age home because they can not take care of their home and watch their life fade away.

I am just wondering if anyone is at this stage and has gone through this process, I don't know if I am giving up too quickly, but I am trying to make decisions based on what information I have. I keep thinking I should try and hold on a little longer for the kid sakes, but I don't think I am doing a great job there. I am looking at yet another Christmas where I have not put a tree or decorations and still can put together a Christmas meal because it is too exhausting.

I would appreciate if anyone has any comments or feedback....

Lost in Ottawa .........