I’ve been MIA while getting things back on track after yet another stroke in the summer. It hit the thalamus which caused vision problems (double) because of paralysis in one of the muscles and threw in some added sleep problems along with basic brain function impairments. Things are getting better but it has been a slow process adapting to the changes.

Prism glasses have helped with the vision and therapies are helping with getting balance, cognition and memory back. I use WORD documents to write things on the computer now because I’m slow to get thoughts into written form, make tons of typing mistakes and need to edit a lot so things make sense. I also need take frequent breaks from the screen because dizziness sets in after a few minutes of working with text. It has taken 20 minutes and 3 breaks to get this far.

Being aware that the memory and cognitive functions have been affected is off putting but the doc said that being aware of it is actually a good sign for potential recovery. More recent memory and recall remains difficult, especially if I’m put on the spot and some of what I knew seems to be gone for good.

Mostly these things come to the fore when others are discussing things that seem to be common knowledge and I realize that I have no retained information about. I caught myself saying things that judging by the expression on others’ faces, was an inappropriate response. That awareness and physical limitations have made me opt to be reclusive until things get better.

In the event that they don’t, or more so in the event that they get worse, with the help of a lawyer, I put into place an advanced directive. It spells out to my family, POA and doctor what my wishes are if/when I can’t speak for myself. Doing that took a lot of stress off because I really don’t want to go through what others might think is best; as I have had that experience.

It took a lot of doing to get off of the drugs that I was put on and to deal with the effects of being fed foods that my system doesn’t tolerate. Those two things are big issues for me and have now been dealt with and into the future with the Advanced Directive.

Know that I think of you all often and miss keeping up with the goings on here but there are huge gaps in memory that make it hard to remember and keep track of who’s been doing what from day to day.
It has been like that in my home life too and so other than keeping in touch with one friend and family, I keep away from situations where I might run into, or need to talk to people who knew me before this happened. It is easier than to try to answer some of the basic social questions, never mind ones that are more specific.
My speech and thought process is slower now but I’m working on it.

My dog and cat are great companions and house mates. They don’t require explanations or conversation and yet, they seem to understand what is going on at any given moment. The dog is never far from my side and has taken to laying by my feet where ever I happen to plant myself. The cat is my bed mate and hangs out on the windowsill by the computer most times when I’m on it. Having them near is comforting.

Hoping that all of you are doing well and I’m looking forward to rejoining you on a more regular basis soon.

With love, Erika