RSDJaded: I'd like to thank you for that amazing post about teaching children how to understand RSD. Not only does it help children, but I think it also gave ME a new perspective.

This is my first post on these forums. My wife has had RSD for about 4 years now. In addition to her RSD, we've had an unbelievable string of bad luck for the past couple of years, plus an extreme increase in responsibilities (raising 3 young granddaughters). I should mention that after nearly 23 years of marriage, she and I are still very much in love and we are best friends. We're in our early 50s.

I've been a very active, high-energy, upbeat person for most of my adult life, but lately I've caught myself slipping into a victim mentality. I decided to resist that form of self-indulgence, so I did a Google search for "RSD spouse support," trying to be proactive. That search led me here.

I must admit though, that when I began reading this thread last night, it had the exact opposite effect from the one I was seeking: I had a total meltdown. Reading about some of you being bedridden or hobbling around with a cane - it seemed like a grim preview of our possible future, as my wife's RSD is still manageable enough to allow her to be fairly active, albeit with a lot of burning pain.

I'm so sorry that everyone on this thread is having to deal with this devastating disease, but I'm humbled and grateful for all of the honest insights that all of you have shared. My wife is still active enough that I don't consider myself her caregiver, but I do think my role is to be her "rock." Regardless, being in a support role is confusing and stressful.

I'm an extremely empathetic person (the reason I couldn't hack it as a search and rescue volunteer - too emotionally involved), so it's impossible not to feel sorry for my wife - the person I love most on this earth is SUFFERING and that just kills me!!! But as others have pointed out, she doesn't need my pity or for me to act like her disease is a catastrophe. Especially since we're determined to provide a positive and loving atmosphere for our grandchildren.

But lately the stress of our financial problems (several of which are associated with her being unable to work, due to RSD) on top of a few recent deaths of loved ones, plus the usual stress of watching her endure her pain, has made me feel overwhelmed and depressed. Overall, I think my wife and I have done a very good job of confronting our common enemy together and maintaining our closeness, but obviously I can't take away her pain or feel it for her, no matter how much I empathize.

My wife's RSD began after a finger injury on her left hand. That hand hurts all the time, but the rest of her pain has spread and seems to migrate between both of her hands, her feet, her shoulders and forearms. Occasionally she feels it in other places, like her neck and face, which really makes me nervous. I'm terrified of what might happen to her in the future.

I'm still struggling not to cry as I read all of your posts but some of your insights are starting to sink in a bit. The whole thing about mourning the death of your old life - the one where you spent years dreaming about a certain lifestyle and set of goals - and eventually moving on to build a new life around RSD... that was really difficult for me to read and accept, but it's a process that I'd already recognized and have been trying to come to terms with.

Most of us probably realize that mourning any major loss is a process involving different emotional stages that take time to work through. I feel like I've been so busy trying to be strong that I'm only now allowing myself to break down and weep over it. I suppose I need to go through that before I can work through other stages, like anger (at the disease and our circumstances, not my wife!) and eventual acceptance. Thank you all for helping me to begin that process, no matter how painful.