That was beautifully and profoundly put. I am glad that you have found a place for support and that you have such a strong and priceless love relationship. That goes a long way towards healing all wounds.

It is okay if you cannot always be a rock. We cannot intuitively know the impact our suffering has on our partners and your wife does not want this disease process for you any more than she wants it for herself. She will understand when you need time to process, grieve, cry, gnash your teeth.

Remember that grieving isn't linear. You will revisit "stages" you thought you were finished with. Acceptance may come, then be lost for a time. This is normal and expected. It is obvious that you are motivated for healing. If you have access and resources that will allow either of you to attend counseling, do so. If not, sliding scale community therapy centers can often be found. I found working with someone experienced with traumatic life change and chronic illness to be Very, Very helpful. I am better able to be present for my family and don't feel as "eaten" by what I am going through. It has also helped me manage my pain.
There are many losses, that is undeniable, but there will also be small gains. I am more patient, kind, laid back and understanding than I have ever been. Do I wish I could have gained this without suffering. God yes, but this is how it happened.
Hang in there, be kind to yourself, we are rooting for you
Sending Healing Love
Littlepaw