It is the place to be when we are down
and hurting
Oh what am I to do with all this pain and anger
It is so wrenching
A unmovable mountain
is what it is
Climb it I must
I must reach the top
climbing since a child
first born
and all the responsibility and some
having been born into a Hungarian liniage
My children first generation
and now a grandchild
Who has seen more crying than
I ever wanted a child to have to witness
Brings back horrible memories
sure ask me why dwell on the past
Because it has come full circle
My father committed suiside
My uncle committed suiside
Alcohol ramped in my family in Europe
On both sides
I ill with the disease called alcoholism
I CANNOT DRINK
I have lost my privilege
It truely is cunning
23 years this year
My reason for living
Haven't figured it out yet
My second surgery did me in
My breast surgery botched
My hospital experience both times
UNIMAGINABLE THIS I KID NO ONE
and when so much failure in the procedures
For my surgeon not acknowledge it after second
surgery deny my disturbing swell I developed
came in the morning
drained my surgery site
sent me on my merry way
only for it to swell so badly
I was an animal
screaming in pain

Wanting to be held to feel the flannel shirt
where is it
where did it go
I cannot smell the Love
indescribable to anyone
yet when we feel it and smell it
Ohhh what a feeling
when giving oneself completely
I ask for prayers that I can fight this
horrible depression that has set in without
my consent
hanging on as I have no option
I became responsible court ordered
of my granddaughter
Prayers all around
Love
Me