I am a 36 year old male. I have had OCD, Depression and Anxiety as far back as I can remember. I have done everything that I can to treat it - multiple medications, multiple therapists and a slew of naturopathic treatments
Is there any hope for me?

I remember being very young and telling people that I was depressed and they would tell me that I didn’t know what that word meant….but I did. As I got older and more sophisticated, I realized that I had OCD. As an aside, both of my parents had issues. My Mom has OCD to an extent and is very anxious. My Dad has mental health issues too. IDK what….definitely depression. My fraternal twin had bad OCD but it isn’t as bad as mine. He has never treated it.

About ten years ago I decided to do something about it. I started to see a therapist who obviously suggested medication.

Years later I relented. It was becoming so difficult to manage. I started on Zoloft. I don’t know if it was a placebo effect, but I felt better almost immediately. The next 4 or 5 years I went up and down on doses and meds to try to get something to work. I had tons of side effects and didn’t feel much better. I had awful fatigue. I tried more meds and doctors and therapists.

Over the years I was on Zoloft, Wellbutrin, Luvox, amphetamine salts, Prozac, Lamictal, Risperidone, Xanax, Adderall and Ativan.

I was diagnosed (by diff docs) as OCD, ADHD, BIPOLAR2, DYSTHMIA AND GAD

My Father, Uncle and a friend died within 6 months of each other. I didn’t cry. I just felt numb (meds?)

I started to see a NP who helped a friend of mine. She was very nice. She put me on Prozac. When I didn’t feel better, she had me talk to her mentor, a Psychiatrist. He told me that drugs I did as a teenager (pot, etc) screwed up my brain and that I needed to take large doses of Prozac. That was my only hope. I am sure the drugs didn’t help, but I had had this stuff prior to drug use. After that the NP had me on Prozac, Risperidal, Lamictal, Ritalin, Xanax at the same time. I was exhausted. She suggested Provigil. I knew that something wasn’t right. I was so tired that I was falling asleep at stop lights. It was a never ending parade of meds. “Tired? Take this! Can’t sleep? Take this!” At this point, my EXTREME FATIGUE was ruining my life. When I was on 5 things at once with no relief in sight, I told her that I wanted off. I had this feeling that nobody in the mental health field knew what they were doing.

Under her supervision I tapered down over a couple/few weeks.

I did “ok” that year. The fatigue was gone. About 9 months later I crashed. I had major life stuff going on, but I had panic attacks and crying fits for the first time in my anxious life. This was very confusing as I hadn’t cried in 20 years – even when my Dad died. I now think that this might have been protracted withdrawal. I had no clue at the time.

After being on meds and being so fatigued, I started to see a ton of docs and developed health anxiety. On the good side, I radically overhauled my diet. I had tons of very expensive and elaborate bloodwork done. Thousands of dollars worth that takes up a whole binder.

I was having such a hard time that my therapist (not a fan of meds) suggested seeing a local psychiatrist. What was appealing about this guy was that he did genetic testing, serum testing, toxicology testing, transcranial magnetic stimulation and biofeedback. He wanted me to take Deplin and Pristiq. I opted not to take the Pristiq, but to take the Deplin.

My decisions were based on discovering that people had a hard time coming off Pristiq. I also had high norepinephrine and wasn’t sure that was the best med. I opted to just take the Deplin. I then discovered that I was MTHFR a1298C and stopped taking the Deplin because it was a huge dose and I wasn’t taking B12. Methyaltion is SO complicated.

I then tried magnesium, cod liver oil, rhodiola, holy basil, gaba, passion flower and a ton of other natural treatments. I haven’t had success.

I am so lost. I have spent so much time and money on all of this. I feel that no one has any answers. Mediation doesn’t work (too anxious to do it). Therapy doesn’t work. Is this withdrawal? Should I be on meds? Is naturopathy bs?

HELP!!!!!