|
Member
|
|
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: IL
Posts: 279
|
|
|
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: IL
Posts: 279
|
It's a long story. I moved to TN in 2006 after my second son passed away. In 2007, I fell down a flight of stairs, shattering the left side of my face. My fall in 2013 that fractured my knee was the turning point. My youngest son had moved in Dec 2012 and was wanting to move back to IL after my fall. That would leave my daughter to be the only one helping me. So we all talked and collectively decided to sell the house & move to IL. My son went up 2 weeks before we did to get a head start on finding a job. He was working in 3 days at a place 5 minutes from his dad's house (where he was staying when he went up). My daughter is 19 tomorrow, her boyfriend is 26 (and damn well ought to behave more responsibly IMO). While my daughter & her BF moved up with me, I let my son off the hook because his job was so close to his dad's (and his step-mom is still recovering from several ruptured cerebral aneurysms). I believe my son thinks everything is fine, even though I've shared my concerns with him. I have gotten him to come every Saturday to help out, but he won't move in unless the BF or both move out.
When I bought this house in Aug., I bought it with the idea both my son and daughter would be living here and therefore more help with the move & everything that needed to be done. Because it was empty for so long, it's mostly been deep cleaning but we have had trouble with the sump pump, tore out all the carpet & need new flooring installed, re-built the pantry for ease of access, painted, replaced the water heater, replaced light fixtures and are waiting on a new window.
To be fair, when we first moved in, my daughter was called to CA to help her sister-in-law (brittle diabetic) who found out she was pregnant 3 weeks before my son deployed & was having trouble with my 5 year old grandson. BF & I traveled out a few weeks later because my daughter had no clue how to parent a 5 year old and my d-i-l was fully taking advantage of her (having my daughter go get her a drink while she was watching TV; having my daughter go to school with my grandson while d-i-l slept or shopped, etc). I think that started the whole caregiver role strain that fell on to me.
Also, when it was just he & I here, he was quite accommodating.
Physically, I got significantly worse, particularly on the way back. I'm not sure if going from sea level to 10,000 ft above sea level within a few hours drive had a factor or not considering I experienced significant pain and swelling on the way to CA as well.
For whatever reason, once we all returned to the house, it became a different story. I became the insignificant needling interfering with them playing house in my house. When I would say anything (anything at all, especially about my personal needs or what I wanted done with the house), attitude spewed from one, the other or both of them.
We developed a notebook with everything that needed to be done so they could just pick something, but that we would talk about it first so I knew what was happening & could maybe help. I discussed breaking things up. An hour on the house; an hour on what they wanted to do; an hour for me. Nothing. I asked my daughter "What is the goal here? Is the goal making things comfortable for me to be her by myself so you two can move out? Is the goal making things comfortable for you two? Is the goal making things comfortable for all of us to be here together until you two can get your own place?" She shrugged. I told her "Well, since I paid for the house it's pretty much either comfortable for me or comfortable for all of us."
Again, to be fair, he has fixed the sump issue (for the time being and not without some issues), he's put up all new light fixtures, door knobs, replaced a door, re-built the pantry, installed flooring in 2 areas so far & is planning on installing all the rest of the flooring.
Now, in the scheme of things is that a lot? No. Is it worthy of 4-1/2 months of a free place to live? Not really, but it may be when the rest of the floors get done. THAT is all wherein lies the problem. They don't communicate any type of plan. They don't follow any type of plan and therefore nothing has really gotten accomplished. The fact that I have to practically beg for food some days leaves me feeling quite alone and betrayed.
Funny though, he left 2 days ago for TN to do a job (he is part owner of a construction company). My daughter is flying to meet him on Tuesday & they are both then headed to FL for a wedding. She has been AMAZING since he's been gone. Much like he was while she was gone. I don't get it and have no clue what (if any) resolution there might be. My daughter has helped me a lot money-wise, so I do not feel asking her for rent is a comfortable position for me.
|