I have so many thoughts that go thru this very very sick yet educated myself with my life lessons
and less thank a week i woke up with the feeling i have to get ready for work my routine changed in a moments rest before getting in the shower as everyone slept
ONLY
i eventually and quickly realized
i have no place to go
this is what i have been trying to explain
until it came to me last week

my eldest daughter
expressed to me
how i shouldn't have had any children
maybe i shouldn't have been born
not the case
where do i put that
crazy i'm not
out spoken i could be
i am not in any good way
so many things terrible things going on
and all of it out of my hands

my not wanting to feel is a constant
what was going through my mind
until she rang the doorbell at 12:30 in the morning

not hearing from her all day
because she bailed him out

in my mind she was chopped up
her body parts scattered
no teeth
hands or feet
this is what was on my mind
yesterday evening

i ask anyone
how does this mind go there
this is nuts
am i nuts

depression evil thoughts
all unwanted

to be held
and told
it will be just fine
rest get better and don't worry
i'll take care of things for a bit
my dream
that's all it is
tired of all
my heart a stone

tired of hearing
i still hear a fight in you
done
me