When our mind is Dark, our thoughts easily turn to the Dark and Twisted, no matter how much we fight. We are vulnerable to our inner weaknesses, I offer no solution to this - I have little for myself.
However, you have the inner strength of your loving Faith to draw on. You have the outer strength of your Friends here, loving and willing for you to improve, to feel some respite.
Let those strengths support you through the days and nights.

Dave.