Dear Eva,
While I had my short break I had the chance to see my Medical Records and found - unbeknownst to me - I was diagnosed with Depressive Personality Disorder in '89. I read up on this 'controversial' Psychiciatric diagnosis and now understand that - in some of us - our brain chemistry makes us more likely to become severely Depressed.
Perhaps your brain chemistry is similar to mine. The Depression is still there to deal with, caused by our pain, our inability to be able to DO, the way we are seen and treated…
BUT, analytically, IT'S NOT OUR FAULT! We cannot control the brain chemistry we were born with any more than we can control the colour of our eyes.
Our Depression feeds on itself, we give it power over us in our inability to break free. Accept our brains are different and take a little piece of relief in that.

Dave.