Quote:
Originally Posted by Danika
Sadly new to this site resulting from a collosion my husband had late October resulting in a TBI. After three months of being hospitalized and rehab 1500km away from our home we are finally home. For three months I was on an adrenaline high to stay strong. His survival was the first hurdle, then waking up, then the major hurdles once he woke. Now that we are home and he is physically well I am a puddle. I am a puddle in private. I feel guilty about this. How can I be depressed or embarrassed about my husbands cognitive skills when I am so happy he is alive? I put me at the very bottom to ensure my husband and kids are number one. That's okay and is necessary right now, another form of strength. I know it cannot last long. I feel guilty complaining that I have not slept through the night since October 28th, or that I have gained weight since I am an emotional eater (apparently) or that I have done nothing for myself besides daily personal hygiene. How can I complain after all he has been through and continues to face? I am angry and bitter and so scared. Walking on eggshells depending my husbands mood, referring between husband and kids so they are not misunderstood and an argument surfaces. I love him. I just don't know him. Time. Time and patience....right? Thanks for the vent, trying not to feel sorry for myself.
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Oh, Danika.
I almost missed your post because you did not put it in the New Members Threads, but I am so glad I found it.
First, I am sorry about your hubby, the accident and your struggle. But be reassured, it can be perfectly normal to crash into Depression after one has been stressed out on an adrenaline high for so long. I saw it with my ex after an accident I had in '90.
The goal now is to get you well - untreated Depression rarely goes away, and it feeds on itself.
You are clearly in no position to talk to hubby about this yet. Do you have parents, a best friend you can confide in as a FIRST step? The next step is to see your Dr. This is not a sigh of weakness any more than going about a persistent cough would be.
It may be you simply need a few sessions with a trained Counsellor, perhaps some meds - I am not in a position to, nor would I try to, analyse things. Perhaps something more is needed.
The point is, it is clear you are the focus of your family, and you need to be strong and at your mental best for your own sake as well. You have made a great start by joining this Forum, like-minded people with all kinds of problems pull together.
Might I suggest you pop over to the Sanctuary for Spiritual Support,, or Depression Forums where we can all expand on this, vent, lean on each other, heal.
Dave.