and to be in a depressive state
just blows
i was thinking of my maternal
grandmother
i remember her only meeting
her twice as children nine and thirteen
taking vacation to go to Hungary

after having a intense conversation with my sixteen year old
it was she who who had me thinking of my grandmother
to describe her is sad
always in the kitchen
a separate house adjacent to the rest of the house
ya know country girl
dirt roads
chicken coups
and now as an adult
could see in her eyes the sadness
a very introverted understandably
as it was time of WW 2
and how the German soldiers
would barge into the home order
my grandmother to cook for them
and she did so the story goes
and my grandfather helpless
just had to watch and pour the drink
wine

an in remembering her
and my conversation
keep a mental picture
and began to wonder
was she troubled with
depression
it be my assessment
to try and understand
me