Maygin, imagine me throwing my arms around you and crying with you, 'k?

I was diagnosed with CRPS in the ball of my left foot a little over 3 years ago. I had no injury (since the majority of CRPS patients have an injury/surgery that starts this danged thing) and just woke up one morning with a sore lump in my foot. It raged from there. I definitely understand every stinking thing you just said. My oldest daughter got married last July, and people keep saying, "Aren't you excited to maybe be a grandma one day soon??" all giddy like. And to be honest, I'd LOVE that...but it terrifies me, as well. The CRPS has since spread to my right foot (same area) but not as badly, thank heavens, but walking is DEFINITELY a challenge. And 18 months ago, I was diagnosed with two forms of arthritis--RA *and* Ankylosing spondilitis (pelvis)--and between the CRPS and the arthritis, I walk like an old woman.

I'm 45. Up until the CRPS, I was a competitive tennis player. Traveled a bit in my region, playing tourneys. NOT BEING ACTIVE STINKS. And now I can't be bumped, hugged hard, sometimes even touched, and definitely can't do any of the active things I used to do, including going on walks with the fam.

Anyway, long story short, I struggle emotionally, too. Most people can clearly see I walk like a 90 year old. But they always say, "If we didn't see you struggle to walk, we'd never know you had anything wrong! You're always so cheerful!" And yeah, I've always been told I'm one of the most positive and cheerful people known to them. But so often, it's just a cover. I often cry in private.

So YES! It's a struggle. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. The thing I do and have learned (and I hope this helps you) is to find something you love and hold onto it with both freaking hands. I adore reading. It is my best friend. I love immersing myself in other worlds and with characters. I write, too (4 romantic/suspense books published), and that brings me so much comfort.

Find what you're good at, and can still do, and latch onto it. Movies? Comedy? (Laughter truly is the best medicine!) A good set of friends to laugh with who understand and keep you grounded? A trauma/rehab group? Swimming? (ALWAYS a great thing with CRPS) Getting out to a fav place regularly? (Barnes & Noble? Library? Starbucks? Park/greenbelt?) Find something that helps you remember there are still awesome things to do in this life. Holy cow, that can be hard, when your disability is slugging you in the face from morning to night. But I have learned that sitting around moping totally makes things worse.

Also, LET YOURSELF FEEL CRAPPY SOMETIMES. Often I spend so much energy fighting feeling crappy that it makes things worse. On a down day, allow yourself to wrap up in a blanket on the couch, watch something FUNNY on TV, and know that tomorrow will be better. (I've never had that be wrong.)

And as hard as it is, put your foot down (not literally. Ouch. ) about things you know will hurt--being around a bunch of preschoolers who will bump and ram you. (I was a preschool ed major and had my own preschool for years, so I love the little guys, but I know now they're painful.) When you're around kids, brace yourself and know that there are just some things you're not gonig to be able to do around them.

As pathetic as it sounds, I always let my hubby and kids (I still have 4 at home) serve themselves first at dinner and I stay out of the way so I don't get bumped and stepped on.

I'm saying this because even though my hubby doesn't understand (and sometimes gripes about what I can't do) I need to be strong and stick up for myself about what I can and can't do. Do the same thing with your nephew's mama...just be firm about what you're going to/not going to be able to do. Often, people will not understand. I have gotten this a lot over the years. Those people who don't, you just have to be strong and shrug off and try not to let their attitudes hurt you.

Following these "rules" for yourself go a long way to making this nasty disability easier to handle, and will help you be more cheerful overall, I think. At least it does for me.

Hugs, Maygin! Know that we get it. Hang in there. Try these "cheer up" things I talk about. Now, I'm going to go read a good book...