Thank you all so very much, from the very bottom of my heart. I very much needed all of your kind and supportive words. For once, I don't feel alone.

Russell - Thank you for the compliment on my screen name. It was the nickname my friends gave me when I was younger and it always made me feel a little extra loved. You are so right; it is what it is. I have been working on "going with the flow" with this condition. I was trying so hard to fight it, control it, and stop it, but it wasn't working and only draining my energy. Thank you for your support. It means a lot to me.

Visioniosiv - thank you for the permission to feel what I feel. I often judge myself and criticize myself for even having the emotion, let alone expressing it. Maybe, what I need to do right now is cry, quite often, until there are no more tears. Then, I can start rebuilding. As always, your words have a powerful impact on me. Thank you. I almost PMed you, but I didn't quite know what to say. I'm so glad you responded.

AliM - Thank you so much for sharing your story. I really appreciate your openness. It's interesting - my pain started in the ball of my right foot below the 2nd and 3rd metatarsal and on the top of my foot above those bones as well, with no injury. I was told it was a strained tendon and that it would go away. Well, it was really hard to walk properly when I couldn't roll off the ball of my foot, so I ended up twisting it weird and fracturing the 2nd metatarsal. Everyone points to that as the day of injury, but I was in incredible pain weeks before that. Now, mind you the pain was not as bad as it got after the break, but for all I know, I could have had CRPS in the beginning and the fracture just caused a horrendous flare. Who knows? Anyway, I wanted to share that we have a slightly similar story, which makes me feel a little less crazy I also love reading and have done much more of it since the injury. I've always wanted to write, but I don't have a story in me. I start, but then the story goes no where. Maybe one day I will find my story. I have been so afraid to grab onto the other things I love because I'm terrified I will lose them too. But you are right - I just have to try. Just before I read these posts, I posted a Facebook status offering handmade cat toys to my friends. It caused me so much anxiety - making a promise I might not be able to keep, having my friends judge my new hobby, etc. - but your post reminded me that I have to do the other things I love. Needle felting was a hobby I took up just before I was injured and I can still do it. But I haven't lately out of fear. You have inspired me to keep at it, even if I'm really slow at it on the bad pain days. Thank you so very much for your support.

Littlepaw - I have apologized to my dog so many times for failing her, crying the whole time. It hurts to not be able to give those you love what they want. But you have the right attitude - to keep at it. I want to be able to take my pup on long hikes again. Even though I am frustrated with my progress, my physical therapist tells me I am making progress and she thinks I will one day be able to do that again. I have had a hard time believing that lately. My physical therapist encouraged me to visualize doing all the old things I used to do, like the long walks with my pup. I'm usually so good at following through on "doctor's orders," but this one has been so hard because I don't see it. I see a young woman walking with a cane, in incredible pain, trying hard to not take it out on her pup. But I need to fight for that vision to come back and then for it to be a reality. I have been fighting my disease, yelling at my leg, and disowning it, and that's not where I need to be fighting. I need to work with my body to fight to get back to the things I love - or at least a modified version of them. Thank you so very much for sharing. You are a wonderful person and I enjoy your posts whenever I come across them.

LIT LOVE - I had a pain therapist at the rehabilitation hospital I go for my treatments. Unfortunately, we weren't a good fit and she wanted me to rehash old issues that I dealt with in therapy long ago. I have a new pain therapist now that I really like, but we haven't had too many sessions together. But I think it is helping. She has created a safe space for me to feel whatever I feel in there and not have to hide it to protect her, as I tend to do with everyone around me. I believe that has allowed these emotions to flow. Which, while annoying at times, is probably healthy and healing. It feels a little like I am grieving an older version of me, but I'm also really excited about who the new me is going to be. I think a lot of the things I wanted to change about myself but hadn't been able to yet are changing now. Nothing like increasingly losing more of your body to pain to put things in perspective. I'm also scheduled to see a psychiatrist on the 20th to discuss medication. I have always avoided taking any medications for mental health issues, but this time, I am considering it. My anxiety is really consuming and I may need a little help. Thank you for your support and suggestion.

Thank you all for your posts. I am inspired now to take the risk and attend the art class I really want to go to. But it requires a train ride and I've never taken the train. I worry about it flaring me up since right now the buses and the potholes are causing problems for me. But this is a rare opportunity to learn a new art technique from my favorite artist. It is more money then I would normally spend on myself, but I only have this one life. In 5 years, I might wake up and not be able to use my arms. I don't want to regret that I didn't spend some time creating beauty with fiber just because I was scared of a train ride and spending a little money. I woke up on Saturday and deeply regretted not spending more time on the potter's wheel. I don't feel like I used my "healthy" time well. I want this new life to be different. I want to be able to say that I lived. But first, I have to go through this grieving. Thank you all so very much. These posts have helped tremendously.