BASKETBALL DIARIES

I FOREWARNED HER

as it brings what's in this family
does not only have to be the big H
it is a lesson in itself
the upbringing
everything a mother suffers watching her
children with addiction in one form or another
including myself
with the clear understanding
my sobriety, meetings, psychotherapist sessions
mean zip to them
as if i don't need my medicine
"meetings"
being held back by my own children
having Eva is a commitment i chose to do
when the judge asked who will be seeking custody
i stepped up
not to enable
but to save her from
"the state taking her"
i will always protect her and my family
at times situations inevitability can be
mistaken as "enabling"
yes very aware of this
yes they
being
mother and father
a father who expressed on many occasions
especially when things weren't going his way
he goes manic and expressed to me
when angry at my daughter
how he would LOVE to stab her over and over
and slice her up
yes
this is the father of Eva
my granddaughter
as for her mother
she is in a 30 day re-hab
then halfway house
i pray and tell her
i cannot do it alone

i haven't yet spoken to her
or heard anything of the movie
"yet"
today
she will do food shopping
this will be interesting
it will be a tell tale sign about certain
things
i'm sure that is understood
having a tough time
with this body
plowing forward
will get a large exercise ball
one i can sit on
on the terrace with rope like ties on banister
and try to work on my body
i so would love a inverted bench
will not do
way to dangerous

going through the list of items
needed with my daughter
i will have to have her take a cab home
it must be done

just for today
love
me