Hello everyone, I have just joined this board and can already see it is a very caring place so I am relieved to be here. I am a 45 yo mother of a 4 1/2 year old and a 7th grader, both girls. I have a very supportive husband.

I hit my head badly in mid-July 2014 on the side of the pool while horsing around with my child. Prior to that, I had hit my head many times throughout life never knowing that most of them were concussions. After the July hit, I have had 3 more concussions, 4 total in seven months. In addition to my neurologist, I did see a concussion rehab specialist (neuropsychologist) a few times but am still having a problem with insurance reimbursals so I am not seeing her at this point.

I did have vestibular therapy which helped a lot. I also got prism glasses for dizziness which have helped tremendously (they are primarily to treat a pre-existing vision condition (Duane's syndrome) which I had been accommodating but no longer can accommodate since the concussions).

Many of my symptoms are greatly improved. It's hard to say for sure, because I keep hitting my head, and then they return. The headaches are much better. The dizziness is reduced to major movement like garden digging. I can drive fine except at night or in rush hour or crazy traffic. I still get tired and I take naps most days.

I have bigger remaining things though that are really interfering with my family life that I need help with. Some of them seem like larger changes to my personality, although to be fair, they are qualities that were part of me before the concussions but now they are times ten. Here are some of them:

1. I want to be alone most of the time. I don't want to be emotionally distant, but I just want so much space. I feel assaulted by input and having people in my personal space. I am home alone all day while the kids are at school and I still have to retreat to my room later. I can't understand why people want to talk all the time. I don't want to spend time with my children, who are so loud. I don't want to sit and talk with my husband. At the same time, I get lonely. I want to be close. I want to be able to be together without being overwhelmed.

2. I am very very quickly overwhelmed by sound and sensory chaos and I react dramatically and sometimes in a hostile way. I have trouble staying at the dinner table sometimes if it gets too loud. If we are all in the mudroom together putting on coats and boots, I start to go crazy and freak out. I even get startled by small noises or sudden noises, and get so upset that I cry and my children have had to calm me down. I screamed at my mother for "sneaking up on me".

3. I still cannot multitask. If I am doing something already or even thinking about something and one of them comes up to ask me something, I get really anxious or sometimes mad. I respond abruptly, sometimes rudely. If I even need to go to the bathroom, I have trouble being interrupted with someone talking to me about something else and I get agitated! It is very difficult to be a mom and not be able to manage two things at once. They cannot understand me.

4. My verbal communication ability has really decreased. Not with friendly communication, but with explanation type communication. I have a hard time bringing forth the right words. I have to show, point, lead, do, demonstrate. When I have to explain things, I get frustrated and sometimes if I'm really having trouble, I get upset or angry. It does not necessarily come out sounding terrible, so it is not obvious to the listener. All they know is that I appear really agitated, possibly angry or crying.

And finally, everyone is just wondering how much longer until I get better, (especially since I am so much better) and saying that I will get better, because obviously the way I am now is totally INFERIOR to how I used to be.

I don't like the mean things I do, like yelling at people and being harsh. I want to have good relationships with my family and be a good mother. And I don't want to suffer.

However, some of these things, I think, might just be changes, like wanting to be quiet and have more space. Not multi-tasking. Maybe some of those things might be just the way I am now, and I'm not sure we should keep waiting for me to go back to the way I was. I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing to be this way, if I learn how to be more gentle.

I would really like some feedback and to know if anyone else has felt these things and had problems with their families.

Thank you for the support. I'm sorry this is so long.
Julie