i felt it coming on yesterday
the knot in my stomach
the lump in my throat
the feeling of doom taking over
my body and locks me in a state i loath
bottom line ALL the things i won't let go of
true FREEDOM is not in my future if i continue
to dwell
BUT WHAT IS NOT UNDERSTOOD
i do not want to FEEL like this anymore
no matter what ever "it" wants "it" wins
my sadness is the thing that is tearing me apart
i physically feel "it"
why does it want me
why can't i just hold on to the positive
and wait for a miracle
it not hurt anymore
and i not be a burden to my family
turns out to be a joke
no help offered anymore
as a way to be hurtful
only i will in the end do it myself
my son called with some comfort
he and i have so much healing to do
but he called out of the blue to see how i am
i did not want to start Effexor still on the fence
about it
i started it three weeks ago
on capsule am to graduate to two capsules
a day
i am reluctant to start the second one
i wish i never started
do not want to take it
so want to kick myself
as i read a post just by chance
i don't think so
anywho
just want it out until
my cancer meds are stopped
and that isn't anytime soon
am i nuts
i don't think so
i know me
me