today i made the phone call to my boy
and wished him a happy birthday

you see
my boy takes issue with having to share today
as it is a recognition of his day entering the world

it happens to be the anniversary
of my fathers suicide
a grandfather he never got the chance to meet
i do understand his reasons
there is nothing bitter sweet about this day
only SWEET MEMORIES of giving birth to a 9lb. son

i only learned about his remorse
that it too is something he suffers
with being bipolar depressed and is under
doctors care

needless
my sisters are alright

35 years ago
my father shot himself in the heart
in our 2nd car
station wagon
around the block from our home my parents
purchased together

if one were to stand outside the car
you could see the kitchen back of our house
in the evening hours clearly visual if blinds
weren't pulled down

i just don't get it
me