I understand and felt the same way. The third surgery -Just shoot me! Lost hope several times and went through a deep depression but truly feel I am on the other side of it now. I basically refused to give up, though I sure cried a lot for a while. I am still a bit paranoid that things may regress, re-grow, etc. The fibroma could wake up or God forbid I have any kind of injury. I will always need to be careful and watch medications I take in case they are neurotoxic, no alcohol, good diet, etc. I will say Cana that even when you don't have Hope, I and others here still have Hope FOR you...so see you are never really hopeless.