I was dumped by my pc in the er for what 'I did to my PC" which was nothing. I can't do the study because they said I asked for a ketamine drip, which is a lie. It's all about a female exam inappropriate. Now I will never have PM or PC for RSD. I am an official Drug seeker. I just want to die. after 4 tears of bs and fighting for everything with drs and insurers. I am ruined. I was going to do the clinic but I am ruined. So I drank after 20 years of sobriety and bought pot in Colorado and got wasted. over ketamine vs opiates.
I am so suicidal. God if I only had MS or something else with no pain. I just want to disappear and forget I was born. I use to believe God loved me. I don't anymore. I think he hates me wants me to burn in this life and the next. I know I made it worse drinking. I just don't care anymore. No loving God would let you suffer this disease. Just let me die. But I will burn forever not just now. This sucks. The funny thing is this is the best I have felt in 4 years physically and the worst spiritually and emotionally. I am disillusioned with drs.