Dearest Maygin, things are not fine. Of course they aren't. What you are going through is hard and exhausting. It takes a lot of energy dealing with the basics of every day. Don't waste energy pretending and trying to hold it all in. If you need to cry everyday for a while then do, but don't get stuck and mired in it. Focus on the many little things that you do to make yourself well, they add up over time. I felt like I was making so little progress for a long time but I figured I was at least minimizing more loss with everything I did that was therapeutic. Even the most minimal things you can do benefit you.

You are not putting on a brave face. You ARE brave. We all are. It takes tremendous courage to do this. I Don't remember if you were going to a therapist or pursuing it but I found it so helpful, both with dealing with loss and transition and with some ways to cope with pain. Just having a place to take some of the grief was a blessing and made things easier. The losses are real, I won't minimize them but moving through them can be easier with help. And yes, they will come in waves and things will hit you again out of the blue but the sadness does lighten. I underestimated how valuable therapy would be and delayed going. silly me!

I am so sorry about your work stresses. I hope that the time off issue gets resolved. I do know that somehow you will find a way and get your treatments. Hopefully the sooner the better. Does your work have a time off pool? If I were your co-worker I would gladly donate a day off

You are never isolated. We are here....Sending Healing Love,
Littlepaw