Dear Eva,
My heart breaks for what you are enduring. Please know you have friends here who care about you very much.

I find that, I also go through times when I think I cannot take it anymore. I allow my self to feel bad, to cry.......I curl up in bed for a few days and watch Netflix movies to distract myself....just get away from the world. I know that is hard with your daughter, I don't have kids but sometimes kids need to know Mom hurts and they need to fend for themselves for a day or so.

But then, I get work at trying to figure out, WHAT CAN I DO TO FEEL BETTER.
I try to find out SOMETHING, ANYTHING I might be able to control.

My latest "project" is trying to control inflammation in my body by what I eat. I stopped eating all the terrible junk food I had been soothing myself with through this terrible winter....I dropped all the cookies and pastries and heavy pasta and heavy dairy and fatty meats( I know!!!! It was difficutlt) I am eating mainly highly vegetarian diet but my holistic doc who is guiding me said I need to have some good quality protein, good fish, lean meat, some eggs. I have been drinking wheatgrass juice, 2 ounces twice a day and drinking green vegetable juice 2-3 x a day( cucumbers, celery, pea sprouts, many green vegetable and fresh ginger. ) I have learned an alkaline body is better than an acidic one.

my motivation for this big change in my diet is a health issue we have in common. I recently learned I have breast cancer. As a matter of fact, I am in the hospital right now waiting for some tests before my surgery tomorrow( a lumpectomy).

Please know I am thinking of you and pray you find some respite from the pain.
I know when things are darkest it is hard to summon the strength to do anything.
If you are so inclined, do pray for yourself. My pain doc said it has been proven that praying affects brain chemicals in a positive way. He told me when pain is highest or I am most stressed to keep saying the Lords Prayer, over and over again. I do and it has helped.

All my best, D.