i just get so freaked out when strange things happen to my body that i go nuts on google. so i typed in my symptoms and here is why i came to that conclusion:

1. Jerky Eye Movements - sometimes
2. Blurred vision, eye pain - sometimes
3. Slurred speech and related speech problems - way too often
4. Involuntary contraction of muscles - very noticeable when i try to be still
5. Involuntary Leg Movements, especially bothersome at night - every night
6. Partial numbness, tingling, buzzing and vibration sensations - just recent
7. Pain without apparent cause, burning - probably RSD, but my hands were on fire this morning and all night last night
8. Shaking when performing fine movements - recent
9. Increase in severity of symptoms with heat - went on a bike ride in 100 degree heat yesterday and the pain started a few hours later. NOT a sunburn
10. Acid reflux - mega, mega, mega
11. Swallowing problems - had this for some time now, years
12. Impairments to speech comprehension and production - the worst thing for me because all i DO is talk


so you see, i read all of this and i automatically start wondering how long until i am in a wheelchair and when am i gonna kick the bucket and where will i be buried.

i am a freak. i'm sorry if i sound like a hypochondriac because i absolutely detest that. it just seems like everything is falling apart. i just got denied for financial aid because i have too many credit hours. i am poor as hell and want to go back to school, but now i can't get grants OR loans. the psychology class i am taking is WONDERFUL and i just LOVE researching things. but i go to take a practice test and i get a 57% for conceptual and a 53% for factual. i took 2 more practice tests and i did even worse!!!!!! i can't believe this! i am smart and none of this is making any sense to me - but if you ask me for a definition, i can tell you the right answer. however, i can't write my way out of a multiple choice test.

my arms are burning again - from my forearms to my finger tips. my knuckles are reddish, but the rest of my fingers are really discolored. they look so pale, almost white. my fingers are twitching. they are numb.

i just want to cry but i feel nothing. i feel stoned. i keep staring off at things and my husband keeps asking me "what's your problem?"

oh gosh. i am really sorry for boo-hooing